Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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