So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
