that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
