just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
