it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
