so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
