I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
