i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
