ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
