Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
