My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
