I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
