Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
