wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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