Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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