you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
