When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
