She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
