I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
