Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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