im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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