Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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