If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
