What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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