I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
