Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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