I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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