Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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