smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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