JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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