I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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