I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
