Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
