Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
