legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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