Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
