Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
