You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
