did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
