FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
