It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
