I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
my poor anus
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize