And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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