What did we do last night that was yellow?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you win again, gameday.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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