Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
