plz talk dirty to me
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
