The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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