i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
