i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
