K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
