I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
