im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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