some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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