Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
