i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
