i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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