I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
