I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
