those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
