Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
