Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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