woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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