fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
