His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
