I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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