I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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