smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
