Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
