they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Randomize
