someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
