I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
