I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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