Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
