Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
