the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
