i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize