oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
