This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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