Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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