What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize