I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
