Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
