You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
