Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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