he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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