I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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