I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
