The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
