some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
organizing the empties. That sober.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize