I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
