Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
zippers are such a cool invention
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
