I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
