ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize